I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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