Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
