i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
