I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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