Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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