You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
