remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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