I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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