You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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