I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
