Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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