if you like me you must not know who I am
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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