thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
