Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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