Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
