We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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