Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
