a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
