For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love having hate sex.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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