If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
