im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You pole danced in your parka.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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