he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
