My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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