false alarm. still invincible.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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