mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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