this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
