Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
