shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
