She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
