Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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