once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
