I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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