Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
