he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
