Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
