Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
