I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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