why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
