I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
