you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
