I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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