Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
