I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
