that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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