I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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