belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
