He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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