Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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