I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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