Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Someone came in the potted fern
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
