why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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