I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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