guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
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I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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