he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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