I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize