We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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