Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
