Small penises have feelings too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
