After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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