she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my shit smells like andre
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love having hate sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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