Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
