She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
