first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
