I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
