Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
