all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
