Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
