WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
