Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
