just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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