I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
