you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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